How To Communicate Effectively
The achievement of meaningful relationships is likely to be central to one's happiness and well being in life. Vital to making and maintaining those relationships will be the ability to communicate effectively. Sharing ideas, giving opinions, finding out what one needs to know, explaining what one wants, working out differences with one another, expressing one's feelings, can all be regarded as essential elements in being able to relate to and work with other people. People who are confident and skilled in making contact with others have a good deal of personal power. They can use their skill to sell, to teach, to influence or persuade, or to help or befriend.
Communication is something each of us begins to do normally from the time we are born. We learn to speak, walk, and dress ourselves, and the temptation might be to believe that communication skills are a part of each individual's natural development. Observation indicates that some develop these skills to a sophisticated level whilst others barely reach a survival level. They can function at a basic level without giving them the opportunity to shape and order events, or to direct their lives as fully as they could. Leaving skill development up to chance does not produce an effective skill level for everyone, and there are many personal and social consequences of underdeveloped communication skills. By identifying and practicing basic communication skills each of us can become more effective in taking charge of situations in which we are involved.
Relationship Making Skills
The nature of the relationship between two people will obviously greatly influence the clarity of the communication . The relationship can be regarded as the 'atmosphere' through which messages are sent and received. If this atmosphere is clear and interference free, the messages are likely to be picked up loud and clear. If this atmosphere is cloudy or stormy then there is likely to be interference, distortion and unclear reception. Unless people actually make contact, unless there is giving and receiving, then communication will be impaired or impossible. Because communication takes place between people we are automatically dealing with human relationships. Effective communication skills therefore will build largely on relationships making skills. We may have all the technical tips of good communications at our command, but if our relationship with another person is poor, effective communication will be difficult. Therefore good communicators are likely to convey respect for others; making them feel valued and important, genuineness; coming across as real people, and empathy; showing an effort to see things from their point of view.
Message Sending Skills
"Communicating is more than just talking."
- Knowing what you want to say.
- Deciding when will be the appropriate time to say it (ie: finding a time when the other person isn't busy and can take the time to really hear you)
- Deciding where is the best place to say it
- Judging how best to say what you want to say (ie: assertively, openly, in a roundabout way)
- Taking effort to make the meaning clear to them, as it is likely much clearer to you
- Keeping it simple. Complex explanations or too many points at once are more likely to confuse the issue.
- Speaking clearly. If your words are not heard correctly your meaning will not be understood.
- Making eye contact. This signals to whom you are speaking, when you are going to say something, and enables you to observe the other person's reactions.
- Monitoring the other person's response. Look for signs of confusion, irritability, acceptance, etc.
- Using appropriate language that can be understood by the other person
- Giving consistent verbal and and non-verbal signals; ensuring what you are saying is matched by how you are saying it.
- Being concrete. Avoiding vagueness and using examples whenever possible.
- Summarizing your points periodically.
- Checking that the other person has understood, asking if clarification is needed.
Message Receiving Skills
"Listening means more than just hearing."
- Clearing away baggage; thoughts and feeling brought in from previous happenings and experiences. Sometimes this can be done by talking through the "baggage" with the person.
- Actively listening. We can hear without listening too carefully. Active listening involves giving the other person our full attention and conveying that we are doing so.
- Attending to the content in the words and the feelings behind them, and not only the words themselves.
- Checking that you are picking up the message correctly, asking for clarification or summarization if needed.
- Listening for themes and essential facts. Sometimes it is easy to be distracted by side issues.
- Listening positively. Avoiding prejudices or blocks to hearing what the person is really saying. Listening with balance and not simply for points to challenge or disagree with.
- Remembering that hearing something with which we disagree with will mean we are likely to switch off. When we become judgmental or begin to plan our counter attack we are likely to have stopped listening.
Ineffective Message Sending Behaviors
- Does not maintain eye contact.
- Assumes the receiver feels the same as they do about the exchange.
- Imposes ideas to the exclusion of others. Unless there is a balance, an exchange, listening is likely to be short lived. People who don't listen themselves are unlikely to find others receptive.
- Uses irritants. Certain words are loaded and using them will immediately create resentment and barriers. These can be personal irritants that bother the people we regularly interact with, or ways we interact with strangers, such as rude language or being overly familiar. Some people may react positively to the same behaviors that others find bothersome or threatening.
- Forgets that what they are saying and how they say it says a lot about themselves, even if the topic they are discussing is unrelated to them.
- Assumes that the person hears exactly what the sender wishes to convey.
- Uses language which the other person doesn't understand or is uncomfortable with.
- Mumbles, fidgets, or otherwise distracts with mannerisms
- Fails to check what the receiver has heard or understood, or make this process feel like an examination.
Ineffective Message Receiving Behaviors
- Jumping to conclusions. Making up one's mind what the sender is going to say or trying to say before they have finished.
- Changing the subject, deflecting the point the sender is trying to make.
- Interrupting or talking too much about themselves.
- Thinking of the question they want to ask rather than listening to what the sender is saying.
- Latching on to minor details while ignoring the main points.
- Switching off or ignoring what is said.
- Listening with only self interest in mind
- Failing to ask for clarification or to be corrected
- Not recognizing or responding to the level of the sender's message (ei: being funny when they meant to have a serious talk)
- Pretending to understand
- Being judgmental of what the sender is saying
- Being defensive rather than open
Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication
Communication skills will also include awareness of verbal and non-verbal factors in the messages that flow between people. The words we use (verbal behaviors) are obviously carriers of our ideas, feelings, wishes, etc, and are therefore important to the effect they have. As we speak, however, there will be many other messages passing between us and the other person. These messages will be carried by factors other than the words we are using. These factors can include tone of voice, facial expression, use of eyes, body posture, hand gestures, the clothes we wear, the distance between us and the other person, the physical setting, and others. Messages conveyed by anything other than the content of the words we used will be called non-verbal communication for the purposes of the module. Awareness of non-verbal factors is an important communication skill because some research suggests that up to 90% of the messages between people can be carried non-verbally.
There are three major types of human face-to-face communication, which are body language, voice tonality, and words. According to research:
- 55% of impact is by body language (postures, gestures, facial expression, eye contact)
- 38% by the tone of voice
- 7% by the content of the words used
A Model of Communication
- Sender - the person wishing to "say" something
[Sender / Receiver Relationship]
- Receiver - the person who becomes open to the sender's message
- Sender Objectives - to inform, find out, persuade, share, organize, supervise, negotiate, protest, achieve, change, etc.
[Common Interest between Sender / Receiver]
- Receiver Objectives - to learn, assess, share, cooperate, comply, negotiate, understand, etc.
- Sender Skills - verbal, non-verbal
[Context; time and place, age and sex, and relationship between Sender /Receiver]
- Receiver Skills - verbal, non-verbal
- Outcome / Results : common or individual objectives achieved or compromise reached
In most interpersonal communications the role of sender and receiver is interchanged as in a game of tennis. Communication will be effective if:
- The relationship is good
- Objectives are clear
- There are common interests
- The context is appropriate with no outside factors intervening
- Sending and receiving skills are effectively used
The achievement of meaningful relationships is likely to be central to one's happiness and well being in life. Vital to making and maintaining those relationships will be the ability to communicate effectively. Sharing ideas, giving opinions, finding out what one needs to know, explaining what one wants, working out differences with one another, expressing one's feelings, can all be regarded as essential elements in being able to relate to and work with other people. People who are confident and skilled in making contact with others have a good deal of personal power. They can use their skill to sell, to teach, to influence or persuade, or to help or befriend.
Communication is something each of us begins to do normally from the time we are born. We learn to speak, walk, and dress ourselves, and the temptation might be to believe that communication skills are a part of each individual's natural development. Observation indicates that some develop these skills to a sophisticated level whilst others barely reach a survival level. They can function at a basic level without giving them the opportunity to shape and order events, or to direct their lives as fully as they could. Leaving skill development up to chance does not produce an effective skill level for everyone, and there are many personal and social consequences of underdeveloped communication skills. By identifying and practicing basic communication skills each of us can become more effective in taking charge of situations in which we are involved.
Relationship Making Skills
The nature of the relationship between two people will obviously greatly influence the clarity of the communication . The relationship can be regarded as the 'atmosphere' through which messages are sent and received. If this atmosphere is clear and interference free, the messages are likely to be picked up loud and clear. If this atmosphere is cloudy or stormy then there is likely to be interference, distortion and unclear reception. Unless people actually make contact, unless there is giving and receiving, then communication will be impaired or impossible. Because communication takes place between people we are automatically dealing with human relationships. Effective communication skills therefore will build largely on relationships making skills. We may have all the technical tips of good communications at our command, but if our relationship with another person is poor, effective communication will be difficult. Therefore good communicators are likely to convey respect for others; making them feel valued and important, genuineness; coming across as real people, and empathy; showing an effort to see things from their point of view.
Message Sending Skills
"Communicating is more than just talking."
- Knowing what you want to say.
- Deciding when will be the appropriate time to say it (ie: finding a time when the other person isn't busy and can take the time to really hear you)
- Deciding where is the best place to say it
- Judging how best to say what you want to say (ie: assertively, openly, in a roundabout way)
- Taking effort to make the meaning clear to them, as it is likely much clearer to you
- Keeping it simple. Complex explanations or too many points at once are more likely to confuse the issue.
- Speaking clearly. If your words are not heard correctly your meaning will not be understood.
- Making eye contact. This signals to whom you are speaking, when you are going to say something, and enables you to observe the other person's reactions.
- Monitoring the other person's response. Look for signs of confusion, irritability, acceptance, etc.
- Using appropriate language that can be understood by the other person
- Giving consistent verbal and and non-verbal signals; ensuring what you are saying is matched by how you are saying it.
- Being concrete. Avoiding vagueness and using examples whenever possible.
- Summarizing your points periodically.
- Checking that the other person has understood, asking if clarification is needed.
Message Receiving Skills
"Listening means more than just hearing."
- Clearing away baggage; thoughts and feeling brought in from previous happenings and experiences. Sometimes this can be done by talking through the "baggage" with the person.
- Actively listening. We can hear without listening too carefully. Active listening involves giving the other person our full attention and conveying that we are doing so.
- Attending to the content in the words and the feelings behind them, and not only the words themselves.
- Checking that you are picking up the message correctly, asking for clarification or summarization if needed.
- Listening for themes and essential facts. Sometimes it is easy to be distracted by side issues.
- Listening positively. Avoiding prejudices or blocks to hearing what the person is really saying. Listening with balance and not simply for points to challenge or disagree with.
- Remembering that hearing something with which we disagree with will mean we are likely to switch off. When we become judgmental or begin to plan our counter attack we are likely to have stopped listening.
Ineffective Message Sending Behaviors
- Does not maintain eye contact.
- Assumes the receiver feels the same as they do about the exchange.
- Imposes ideas to the exclusion of others. Unless there is a balance, an exchange, listening is likely to be short lived. People who don't listen themselves are unlikely to find others receptive.
- Uses irritants. Certain words are loaded and using them will immediately create resentment and barriers. These can be personal irritants that bother the people we regularly interact with, or ways we interact with strangers, such as rude language or being overly familiar. Some people may react positively to the same behaviors that others find bothersome or threatening.
- Forgets that what they are saying and how they say it says a lot about themselves, even if the topic they are discussing is unrelated to them.
- Assumes that the person hears exactly what the sender wishes to convey.
- Uses language which the other person doesn't understand or is uncomfortable with.
- Mumbles, fidgets, or otherwise distracts with mannerisms
- Fails to check what the receiver has heard or understood, or make this process feel like an examination.
Ineffective Message Receiving Behaviors
- Jumping to conclusions. Making up one's mind what the sender is going to say or trying to say before they have finished.
- Changing the subject, deflecting the point the sender is trying to make.
- Interrupting or talking too much about themselves.
- Thinking of the question they want to ask rather than listening to what the sender is saying.
- Latching on to minor details while ignoring the main points.
- Switching off or ignoring what is said.
- Listening with only self interest in mind
- Failing to ask for clarification or to be corrected
- Not recognizing or responding to the level of the sender's message (ei: being funny when they meant to have a serious talk)
- Pretending to understand
- Being judgmental of what the sender is saying
- Being defensive rather than open
Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication
Communication skills will also include awareness of verbal and non-verbal factors in the messages that flow between people. The words we use (verbal behaviors) are obviously carriers of our ideas, feelings, wishes, etc, and are therefore important to the effect they have. As we speak, however, there will be many other messages passing between us and the other person. These messages will be carried by factors other than the words we are using. These factors can include tone of voice, facial expression, use of eyes, body posture, hand gestures, the clothes we wear, the distance between us and the other person, the physical setting, and others. Messages conveyed by anything other than the content of the words we used will be called non-verbal communication for the purposes of the module. Awareness of non-verbal factors is an important communication skill because some research suggests that up to 90% of the messages between people can be carried non-verbally.
There are three major types of human face-to-face communication, which are body language, voice tonality, and words. According to research:
- 55% of impact is by body language (postures, gestures, facial expression, eye contact)
- 38% by the tone of voice
- 7% by the content of the words used
A Model of Communication
- Sender - the person wishing to "say" something
[Sender / Receiver Relationship]
- Receiver - the person who becomes open to the sender's message
- Sender Objectives - to inform, find out, persuade, share, organize, supervise, negotiate, protest, achieve, change, etc.
[Common Interest between Sender / Receiver]
- Receiver Objectives - to learn, assess, share, cooperate, comply, negotiate, understand, etc.
- Sender Skills - verbal, non-verbal
[Context; time and place, age and sex, and relationship between Sender /Receiver]
- Receiver Skills - verbal, non-verbal
- Outcome / Results : common or individual objectives achieved or compromise reached
In most interpersonal communications the role of sender and receiver is interchanged as in a game of tennis. Communication will be effective if:
- The relationship is good
- Objectives are clear
- There are common interests
- The context is appropriate with no outside factors intervening
- Sending and receiving skills are effectively used
Comments
Post a Comment