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Module 5.1: Self Esteem

Definition

Self: A person referred to with respect to complete individuality, "One's own Self".

Esteem: To regard highly or favorably with respect or admiration; of value and worth.

Respect: Esteem for or a sense of worth or excellence of a person often combined with affection.

Self esteem is an intimate experience. It is what I think and feel about myself, not what someone else thinks or feels about me.

People with healthy self esteem are not at war with themselves or others.

Exercises:

- Rate your self esteem on a scale of 1 - 10.
- Now, rate yourself on a scale where (1) is "I see self esteem as internal, from myself" and (10) is "I see self esteem as external, depending on the views and perceptions of others".

Basic Assumption:

1) Self esteem is a matter of degree.
2) No one is entirely lacking in self esteem.
3) No one is incapable of growing in self esteem

The Importance of Self Esteem

- Filter through which we interact with, interpret, and experience life.
- Absolute requirement for a fulfilling life.
- Impacts on every aspect of life.
- The higher the self esteem the more able one can cope with life's adversities and challenges.
- More creative, ambitious, and able to take risks.
- Form nourishing rather than destructive relationships.
- More inclined to treat others with respect and goodwill.
- The more joy we experience.
- You are not at war with yourself or others.
- It leads you to believe you have a right to be happy to stand up for your interests and needs.

Origins of Self Esteem

Self esteem develops as we learn who we are and learn how to exist in the world. As children or adolescents, self worth can be undermined by the adults around us. Basic physical needs as well as emotional needs being met help to foster a healthy sense of self worth.

Basic needs: Safety, Warmth, Shelter, Food, Consistency
Emotional needs: Feeling special and valued, receiving affection and attention, and having your feelings validated.

Appropriate parental child boundaries allow for enough freedom to permit exploration within age appropriate moral/ethical guidelines provided by parents.

Thinking back on your own childhood development, consider how the adults and the environments that you grew up around affected your perception of your own worth. Are there some messages that still affect you, even now?
For example, feeling as though your worth is dependent on how hard you work, or what you achieve. Or feeling as though you cannot show weakness, softness, or other emotion in order to prove your strength. Or feeling as though you should stay quiet and invisible to preserve your dignity.

Now That We Are Adults
But we are not merely passive receptacles of other's views of us. Even in our early years, our own choices and decisions play a crucial role in the levels of self esteem we develop. Whatever our upbringing, our self esteem is now in our hands and able to be worked on.

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