Skip to main content

Module 5.1: Self Esteem

Definition

Self: A person referred to with respect to complete individuality, "One's own Self".

Esteem: To regard highly or favorably with respect or admiration; of value and worth.

Respect: Esteem for or a sense of worth or excellence of a person often combined with affection.

Self esteem is an intimate experience. It is what I think and feel about myself, not what someone else thinks or feels about me.

People with healthy self esteem are not at war with themselves or others.

Exercises:

- Rate your self esteem on a scale of 1 - 10.
- Now, rate yourself on a scale where (1) is "I see self esteem as internal, from myself" and (10) is "I see self esteem as external, depending on the views and perceptions of others".

Basic Assumption:

1) Self esteem is a matter of degree.
2) No one is entirely lacking in self esteem.
3) No one is incapable of growing in self esteem

The Importance of Self Esteem

- Filter through which we interact with, interpret, and experience life.
- Absolute requirement for a fulfilling life.
- Impacts on every aspect of life.
- The higher the self esteem the more able one can cope with life's adversities and challenges.
- More creative, ambitious, and able to take risks.
- Form nourishing rather than destructive relationships.
- More inclined to treat others with respect and goodwill.
- The more joy we experience.
- You are not at war with yourself or others.
- It leads you to believe you have a right to be happy to stand up for your interests and needs.

Origins of Self Esteem

Self esteem develops as we learn who we are and learn how to exist in the world. As children or adolescents, self worth can be undermined by the adults around us. Basic physical needs as well as emotional needs being met help to foster a healthy sense of self worth.

Basic needs: Safety, Warmth, Shelter, Food, Consistency
Emotional needs: Feeling special and valued, receiving affection and attention, and having your feelings validated.

Appropriate parental child boundaries allow for enough freedom to permit exploration within age appropriate moral/ethical guidelines provided by parents.

Thinking back on your own childhood development, consider how the adults and the environments that you grew up around affected your perception of your own worth. Are there some messages that still affect you, even now?
For example, feeling as though your worth is dependent on how hard you work, or what you achieve. Or feeling as though you cannot show weakness, softness, or other emotion in order to prove your strength. Or feeling as though you should stay quiet and invisible to preserve your dignity.

Now That We Are Adults
But we are not merely passive receptacles of other's views of us. Even in our early years, our own choices and decisions play a crucial role in the levels of self esteem we develop. Whatever our upbringing, our self esteem is now in our hands and able to be worked on.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Module 2.8: Boundaries

Setting Limits: Creating Healthy Boundaries Jenny's mother is ill and lives alone. Although she can afford it, Jenny's mother refuses to hire anyone to help her with housework and meals, so Jenny rushes over every day after work to prepare her a meal, do some cleaning and laundry. By the time she gets home to start supper for her own family, Jenny is feeling tired and resentful. Seven year old Matthew has been signed up for hockey, even though he doesn't want to play. He tells his dad that he's afraid he'll get hurt. His father replies in anger, "I can't believe you're such a wimp, I don't want to hear any more of that kind of talk!" Mark's boss confides in Mark about her problems with her husband and other personal matters. Lately, she has started to talk to Mark about her concerns with other employees, Mark's peers. Mark feels uncomfortable with this, but is reluctant to say anything, since his employee review is coming up soon....

Module 3.6: Responsible Assertiveness

Responsible Assertive Behavior Definition : Standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways, without denying the rights of others or hurting others. It involves getting across a message such as, "This is what I think", "This is how I feel", or "This is my point of view". The Two Types of Respect Involved : Respect of one's self, one's own rights and needs, and respect for the needs and rights of others. The Goals of Responsible Assertive Behavior Direct, honest communication and "mutuality" means getting and giving respect, asking for (and giving) fair play, and an equal exchange. This allows room for compromise when needs and rights conflict. If you're afraid of hurting others feelings by behaving assertively, this risk is minimized. People who do become hurt may either be too sensitive, or they may be trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty by sho...

Treating Depression Through Activity and Achievement

The symptoms of depression such as tiredness, lethargy, loss of interest, loss of motivation, loss of pleasure, and indecisiveness can lead to inactivity, and this often keeps the depression going or even make it worse. Also, because of the lack of motivation, a depressed person might begin to neglect everyday tasks and responsibilities at work or at home, and the list begins to pile up. As such, when a depressed person thinks about the things they have to do, they might feel overwhelmed by the pile of things they have put off doing. This might result in them feeling guilty or thinking that they are ineffective or even a failure. This will also worsen the depression. Increasing Your Activity Level One of the ways of overcoming depression is to increase your level of activity. There is a lot of evidence that shows that the more people do, and the more pleasant activities they get involved in, the better they feel. Becoming active has a number of advantages: Activity h...