Cognitive Aspects of Anger Management
1. Anger will be increased or decreased by how you interpret the situation. Thoughts activate or deactivate anger.
2. Many situations can be seen as "invitations" to anger". It is your choice to accept or decline the invitation.
3. Certain beliefs consistently increase a person's anger. These include:
- Beliefs about yourself (I'm just an angry person, I always will be)
- Beliefs about being helpless (My anger takes over, I can't help it)
- Beliefs that give responsibility away (It's her fault, she makes me angry)
- Beliefs about the world that support anger (The world is a bad place, you can't trust people)
- Beliefs that anger/aggression are good solutions (Getting angry makes me feel better)
4. Anger producing thoughts can be replaced by anger reducing thoughts.
5. Empathy (putting yourself in another person's shoes) lessens anger by promoting understanding.
6. Others will probably act the way you expect them to act. If you expect them to behave in a way that will give you an excuse to be angry they probably will (self fulfilling prophecy).
Anger Patterns and Basic Behavior Principles
1. Chronic anger is a deeply ingrained pattern of predictable behaviors. These behaviors are observable, familiar, and highly resistant to change. Anger appears as verbal and physical aggression against others.
2. Angry behavior is not or has been externally rewarded externally by others.
3. Angry behavior is now or has been rewarded internally, primarily as relief from stress and tension.
4. All habits, including anger, can be useful, promoting efficiency, familiarity, comfort, and certainty.
5. All habits, including anger, offer problems; rigidity and long term inefficiency.
6. Thoughts and feeling support habitual behavior.
7. Angry behavior occurs in chains that can be observed.
8. Chained behavior is most easily altered earliest in the chain.
9. Must substitute new behavior for old behavior rather than just give up old behavior.
10. Changing habitual behavior is usually a gradual process, with occasional setbacks.
11. Behavior only exists in the present so it makes no sense to wait until "ready" to change".
12. New behavior needs positive reinforcement which may have to be sought out.
Positive Aspects of Anger
1) The capacity to feel anger is natural - built into our bodies.
2) Anger is a signal that something is wrong - we must listen to the signal.
3) Anger warns others that something is wrong and to be careful.
4) Awareness of anger increases our awareness of self and others.
5) Anger may be needed to survive some dangerous situations.
6) Anger may be the last emotion to resist numbness and despair.
7) Expression of anger can feel good.
8) Anger can stimulate productive action.
9) The expression of anger can be a gift of caring, involvement, and vulnerability.
10) Expressed anger can lead towards reconciliation in a relationship.
11) Anger is part of a normal grieving process.
12) Moral anger can be used to fight for justice and fairness in the world.
Accepting Reality
Radical acceptance
- Freedom from suffering requires acceptance from deep within of what is. Let go of fighting reality. Completely acknowledge what is.
- Acceptance is the only way out of hell.
- Pain creates more suffering when you refuse to accept the pain.
- Deciding to tolerate every moment is acceptance.
- Acceptance is acknowledging what is.
- To accept something is not the same is deeming it acceptable. It is simply accepting reality is as it is in that current moment.
Turning the Mind
- Acceptance of reality as it is requires and act of choice. Is it like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance path and away from the path of "rejecting reality".
- You have to make an inner commitment to accept.
- The commitment to accept does not itself equal acceptance, but it is the first step.
- You will have to turn your mind back towards the path of acceptance over and over again. Sometimes you may have to do so many times within minutes in order to be effective.
1. Anger will be increased or decreased by how you interpret the situation. Thoughts activate or deactivate anger.
2. Many situations can be seen as "invitations" to anger". It is your choice to accept or decline the invitation.
3. Certain beliefs consistently increase a person's anger. These include:
- Beliefs about yourself (I'm just an angry person, I always will be)
- Beliefs about being helpless (My anger takes over, I can't help it)
- Beliefs that give responsibility away (It's her fault, she makes me angry)
- Beliefs about the world that support anger (The world is a bad place, you can't trust people)
- Beliefs that anger/aggression are good solutions (Getting angry makes me feel better)
4. Anger producing thoughts can be replaced by anger reducing thoughts.
5. Empathy (putting yourself in another person's shoes) lessens anger by promoting understanding.
6. Others will probably act the way you expect them to act. If you expect them to behave in a way that will give you an excuse to be angry they probably will (self fulfilling prophecy).
Anger Patterns and Basic Behavior Principles
1. Chronic anger is a deeply ingrained pattern of predictable behaviors. These behaviors are observable, familiar, and highly resistant to change. Anger appears as verbal and physical aggression against others.
2. Angry behavior is not or has been externally rewarded externally by others.
3. Angry behavior is now or has been rewarded internally, primarily as relief from stress and tension.
4. All habits, including anger, can be useful, promoting efficiency, familiarity, comfort, and certainty.
5. All habits, including anger, offer problems; rigidity and long term inefficiency.
6. Thoughts and feeling support habitual behavior.
7. Angry behavior occurs in chains that can be observed.
8. Chained behavior is most easily altered earliest in the chain.
9. Must substitute new behavior for old behavior rather than just give up old behavior.
10. Changing habitual behavior is usually a gradual process, with occasional setbacks.
11. Behavior only exists in the present so it makes no sense to wait until "ready" to change".
12. New behavior needs positive reinforcement which may have to be sought out.
Positive Aspects of Anger
1) The capacity to feel anger is natural - built into our bodies.
2) Anger is a signal that something is wrong - we must listen to the signal.
3) Anger warns others that something is wrong and to be careful.
4) Awareness of anger increases our awareness of self and others.
5) Anger may be needed to survive some dangerous situations.
6) Anger may be the last emotion to resist numbness and despair.
7) Expression of anger can feel good.
8) Anger can stimulate productive action.
9) The expression of anger can be a gift of caring, involvement, and vulnerability.
10) Expressed anger can lead towards reconciliation in a relationship.
11) Anger is part of a normal grieving process.
12) Moral anger can be used to fight for justice and fairness in the world.
Accepting Reality
Radical acceptance
- Freedom from suffering requires acceptance from deep within of what is. Let go of fighting reality. Completely acknowledge what is.
- Acceptance is the only way out of hell.
- Pain creates more suffering when you refuse to accept the pain.
- Deciding to tolerate every moment is acceptance.
- Acceptance is acknowledging what is.
- To accept something is not the same is deeming it acceptable. It is simply accepting reality is as it is in that current moment.
Turning the Mind
- Acceptance of reality as it is requires and act of choice. Is it like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance path and away from the path of "rejecting reality".
- You have to make an inner commitment to accept.
- The commitment to accept does not itself equal acceptance, but it is the first step.
- You will have to turn your mind back towards the path of acceptance over and over again. Sometimes you may have to do so many times within minutes in order to be effective.
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