Mental Health Therapy Material

References When I Say No I Feel Guilty, by Manuel J. Smith (February 1975) The Assertive Option, by Jububrowski & Lange (June 1978) The Book of No, by Susan Newman (November 2005) Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Living, by Alberti & Emons (October 1995)

Assertiveness Exercise Take some time to look at your interactions with people this past week. Write down any that come to mind. Are there any situations in which you felt passive and helpless and behaved non-assertively? Are there any situations in which you felt you behaved aggressively? What about situations in which you behaved assertively? For each non-assertive or aggressive response, write out an assertive response that might have been more helpful. That is, list what you might have said and done to assert yourself. Situation : Describe the situation briefly Your Response : Record how you responded, your actions, behaviors, verbal and non-verbal communication Was this Assertive, Non-Assertive, or Aggressive : After deciding which communication style you used, describe how you could have used an assertive response, if you didn't already. Suggestions for Practicing Interpersonal Effectiveness Interpersonal skills can only be learned if they are practiced. To do thi...

Assertiveness Skills for Conflict Resolution Find out what's really going on. Describe the situation as you see it, and ask others to describe it as they see it. Be honest about your opinion. Use the word "I" to make sure people understand that this is your opinion, but state it clearly. "I think..." Be clear about your needs. You have a right to be respected and cared for, but others can't help you unless you are direct about what you need. Find out what others need from you. Actively seek this information. Don't assume anything. State your feelings. They are an important consideration in any decision that is made. At the same time, be open to the emotions and criticism others need to express. Be creative and flexible in your decision making. Having thought through all of the above; be comfortable with your decision. Don't be apologetic, but be willing to both give and take praise and criticism. Use body language effectively. Ma...

Responsible Assertive Behavior Definition : Standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways, without denying the rights of others or hurting others. It involves getting across a message such as, "This is what I think", "This is how I feel", or "This is my point of view". The Two Types of Respect Involved : Respect of one's self, one's own rights and needs, and respect for the needs and rights of others. The Goals of Responsible Assertive Behavior Direct, honest communication and "mutuality" means getting and giving respect, asking for (and giving) fair play, and an equal exchange. This allows room for compromise when needs and rights conflict. If you're afraid of hurting others feelings by behaving assertively, this risk is minimized. People who do become hurt may either be too sensitive, or they may be trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty by sho...

Passive Character Traits  - Put self down  - Feel inferior  - Give up wants  - Hide real feelings and wants  - Allow others to control  - Often feel guilty  - Feel that others are more important  - Shyness, withdrawn  - Clown, amuse others to win approval  - Behavior: Indirect or no expression of thoughts and feelings.  Allows others to choose for them.  - Attitude: Lack of respect for own rights and needs.  - Goals: To please others and to avoid conflict.  - Outcomes: Don't get what they want now, or later. Aggressive Character Traits  - Manipulate  - Want to control others  - Put others down  - Make others feel guilty  - Sarcastic  - Silent - refusal to communicate  - Violence  - Behavior: Express thoughts and feelings at the expense of others.  Intrudes on others' choices.  - Attitude: No respect for others' rights and needs. ...

Your Basic Rights The right to act in ways that promote your dignity and self respect; as long as others' rights are not violated in the process.  - The right to be treated with respect.  - The right to say no even when you feel guilty.  - The right to experience and express your feelings.  - The right to take time to slow down and think.  - The right to change your mind.  - The right to ask for what you want.  - The right to do less than you are humanly capable of doing.  - The right to ask for information.  - The right to make mistakes.  - The right to feel good about yourself. Obstacles to Assertiveness These are some obstacles which we might have that keep us from practicing being assertive. Identify whether any of the following apply to your experiences: 1. Fear of consequences 2. Lack of confidence 3. Fear of ridicule 4. Fear of criticism 5. Not feeling okay 6. Afraid it won't sound right 7. Not being able ...

"You" Messages / "I" Messages When we communicate using "You" messages, we make assumptions about the other persons intentions and often end up blaming them and not taking responsibility for our own thoughts and emotions. When we communicate using "I" messages, we are giving our own point of view and taking responsibility for ourselves. Look at each of the statements below, and change the "You" messages into "I" messages. For example: "You never ask me for my opinion on major decisions."  - I would appreciate it if you asked for my input before making bigger decisions. "When are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself?"  - I ... "You make fun of my opinions."  - I ... "When you get up from watching TV to get a drink, you don't ask whether I want something too."  - I ... "When are you going to pay attention to me the way you do to others?"  - I ... ...

Your Body Can Speak Your body has a language of it's own. Take some time to be aware of the different parts of your body and how and what they might be communicating. Consider whether your body language is communicating the message that you are wanting to send. Eyes - Attempt to be at eye level when communicating with others. Maintaining good eye contact is important. Be aware of eyebrow gestures. Facial Expressions - Attempt to keep facial muscles relaxed. Avoid tightening your jaw, clenching your teeth, and fidgety movements. It is recommended that the facial expression reflects the feeling you wish to communicate. Shoulders and Arms - Attempt to keep shoulders straight and back, arms relaxed and uncrossed. Avoid overuse of shoulder shrugging. Handshake - Attempt to keep handshakes firm and decisive. Not too long, not too short, not too rough, not too flimsy. Overall Body Gestures - Attempt soft, smooth motions, instead of quick, abrupt ones. Be aware of personal...

How To Communicate Effectively The achievement of meaningful relationships is likely to be central to one's happiness and well being in life. Vital to making and maintaining those relationships will be the ability to communicate effectively. Sharing ideas, giving opinions, finding out what one needs to know, explaining what one wants, working out differences with one another, expressing one's feelings, can all be regarded as essential elements in being able to relate to and work with other people. People who are confident and skilled in making contact with others have a good deal of personal power. They can use their skill to sell, to teach, to influence or persuade, or to help or befriend. Communication is something each of us begins to do normally from the time we are born. We learn to speak, walk, and dress ourselves, and the temptation might be to believe that communication skills are a part of each individual's natural development. Observation indicates that some d...