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Module 3.5: Communication Styles - Assertive, Aggressive, and Passive

Passive Character Traits

 - Put self down
 - Feel inferior
 - Give up wants
 - Hide real feelings and wants
 - Allow others to control
 - Often feel guilty
 - Feel that others are more important
 - Shyness, withdrawn
 - Clown, amuse others to win approval

 - Behavior: Indirect or no expression of thoughts and feelings.  Allows others to choose for them.

 - Attitude: Lack of respect for own rights and needs.

 - Goals: To please others and to avoid conflict.

 - Outcomes: Don't get what they want now, or later.

Aggressive Character Traits

 - Manipulate
 - Want to control others
 - Put others down
 - Make others feel guilty
 - Sarcastic
 - Silent - refusal to communicate
 - Violence

 - Behavior: Express thoughts and feelings at the expense of others.  Intrudes on others' choices.

 - Attitude: No respect for others' rights and needs.

 - Goals: To dominate or humiliate.

 - Outcomes: Strained relationships, arguments.

Assertive Character Traits

 - Open
 - Honest
 - Direct
 - Clear
 - Appropriate
 - Not at the expense of self or others
 - Healthier for self and others

 - Behavior: Direct expression of thoughts and feelings in appropriate ways.  Able to negotiate.

 - Attitude: Respect for own rights and the rights of others.

 - Goals: To communicate.  To make compromises.

 - Outcomes: Respected by others, improved self confidence and improved relationships.

Finding Your Communication Style

Under each of the following headings, select one answer which you feel describes your behavior best. You might find that you fall consistently under one communication style, or that you have a mixed style.

Behavior

a) You don't stand up for your rights. You put yourself down and are apologetic about your feelings, needs, or opinions. You aren't honest about your feelings, needs or opinions.

b) You stand up for your rights, but violate others rights. You put down others. You ignore or dismiss the needs, feelings, or opinions of others. You express yourself in rude ways.

c) You stand up for your own rights in such a way that you don't violate the rights of others. You express your needs, opinions, and feelings in direct, honest, and appropriate ways.

Attitude

a) You think that others needs are more important than your own. You think that others have rights, but you don't have rights. You think others have something to contribute but you don't have anything to contribute.

b) You think that your needs are more important than others. You think that you have right, but others don't have rights. You think that you have something to contribute and others don't have anything to contribute.

c) You think that you have rights, and others also have rights. You think that everyone has something to contribute.

Feelings

a) You may feel helpless, frustrated and angry with yourself, and resentful towards others. You may lose self respect.

b) You may feel good because you've won, but feel remorse, guilt and self hatred because of hurting others.

c) You feel good about yourself and the way you treat others

Aim

a) Avoiding conflict. Pleasing others at any expense to yourself.

b) To win at any expense to others.

c) Both you and others keeping your self respect.

Answering a) to any of the above indicates leaning towards a non-assertive, or passive, communication style, while selecting all a) answers indicates having a mostly non-assertive, or passive communication style.

Answering b) to any of the above indicates leaning towards an aggressive communication style, while selecting all b) answers indicates having a mostly aggressive communication style.

Answering c) to any of the above indicates leaning towards an assertive communication style, while selecting all c) answers indicates having a mostly assertive communication style.

When you are aware of how you communicate and how your behaviors affect your relationships to others, you have take the first step to developing more effective skills.
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