Assertiveness Exercise
Take some time to look at your interactions with people this past week. Write down any that come to mind. Are there any situations in which you felt passive and helpless and behaved non-assertively? Are there any situations in which you felt you behaved aggressively? What about situations in which you behaved assertively? For each non-assertive or aggressive response, write out an assertive response that might have been more helpful. That is, list what you might have said and done to assert yourself.
Situation : Describe the situation briefly
Your Response : Record how you responded, your actions, behaviors, verbal and non-verbal communication
Was this Assertive, Non-Assertive, or Aggressive : After deciding which communication style you used, describe how you could have used an assertive response, if you didn't already.
Suggestions for Practicing Interpersonal Effectiveness
Interpersonal skills can only be learned if they are practiced. To do this, you must be alert to every opportunity. If no situations arise naturally, then you may need to go out of your way to find or create opportunities to practice. Some of the following situations are examples of ones you can create for practice. Others are situations that may arise in your day to day life.
1. Go to a library and ask the librarian for assistance in finding a book.
2. While talking with someone, change the subject.
3. Invite a friend for dinner.
4. Call an insurance company and ask about it's rates.
5. Take old books to a used book store and find out what they are worth. Leave after you have your information.
6. Pay for a newspaper, pack of gum, or anything costing less than $1 with a $5 bill.
7. In a drug store or candy store, ask for change for $1 without buying anything.
8. Go to a luncheonette or lunch counter during a slack time and ask for a glass of water, drink it, say thank you, and walk back out.
9. Go into a restaurant and ask to use the restroom; leave without eating anything.
10. Phone the company of a service that you use to complain about issues you've noticed. This can include local services like garbage collection and public transit, personal services such as telephone and internet service and online subscriptions, and other services like fast food restaurants and clothing stores.
11. Go to a full service station and ask the attendant to check the water in your radiator (or air in your tires); leave without buying gas.
12. Get on a bus (or wait for a bus) and ask other passengers for change.
13. Call and make an appointment to have your hair cut. Call back later and cancel the appointment.
14. Ask the pharmacist for information on an over the counter drug.
15. Ask for specific toppings on a sandwich from a fast food restaurant, or ask for substitutions when ordering a meal.
16. Ask a salesperson in a store to help you find something.
17. Ask the manager in the supermarket to order something that you would like to buy but the store no longer carries.
18. Ask a clerk in the grocery store whether they have any fresher lettuce (or other fruit or vegetable) in the back, or if they can check for an item that is missing from the shelf.
19. Go to a deli counter and ask for 2 ounces of meat or cheese. Leave without buying anything else.
20. Go into a department store or gift store and ask the salesperson for help in choosing an item, gift, or outfit.
21. Call and ask for information about jobs listed in the classified ads.
22. Ask coworkers or classmates to do a favor for you (eg. make you a cup of coffee, or give their opinion on your work).
23. Ask someone for a ride.
24. Disagree with someone's opinion.
25. Express disagreement with a parent, spouse, or close friend regarding specific topics (scheduling priorities, sexual practices, time spent together, etc).
26. Express disagreement over social arrangements as planned by a parent, spouse, partner, or close friend.
27. Request parent, spouse, parent, or children to accept more responsibility in some specific area.
28. Ask a friend for help in fixing something.
29. Ask a person making too much noise to be a bit quieter.
30. Ask your therapist or counselor for a favor.
31. Ask for help in moving furniture.
32. Ask your landlord to fix something in your residence.
33. Go see a dentist or doctor and tell them clearly what the problem is.
34. Order a nonalcoholic beverage in a bar or cocktail lounge.
35. Ask to be excused from class or ask to leave early.
36. Ask a person to stop doing something that is bothering you.
37. Ask skills training leader who is going overtime to end the session because time is up.
38. Ask a teacher for time to speak to them and make a complaint or give a compliment about the class.
Take some time to look at your interactions with people this past week. Write down any that come to mind. Are there any situations in which you felt passive and helpless and behaved non-assertively? Are there any situations in which you felt you behaved aggressively? What about situations in which you behaved assertively? For each non-assertive or aggressive response, write out an assertive response that might have been more helpful. That is, list what you might have said and done to assert yourself.
Situation : Describe the situation briefly
Your Response : Record how you responded, your actions, behaviors, verbal and non-verbal communication
Was this Assertive, Non-Assertive, or Aggressive : After deciding which communication style you used, describe how you could have used an assertive response, if you didn't already.
Suggestions for Practicing Interpersonal Effectiveness
Interpersonal skills can only be learned if they are practiced. To do this, you must be alert to every opportunity. If no situations arise naturally, then you may need to go out of your way to find or create opportunities to practice. Some of the following situations are examples of ones you can create for practice. Others are situations that may arise in your day to day life.
1. Go to a library and ask the librarian for assistance in finding a book.
2. While talking with someone, change the subject.
3. Invite a friend for dinner.
4. Call an insurance company and ask about it's rates.
5. Take old books to a used book store and find out what they are worth. Leave after you have your information.
6. Pay for a newspaper, pack of gum, or anything costing less than $1 with a $5 bill.
7. In a drug store or candy store, ask for change for $1 without buying anything.
8. Go to a luncheonette or lunch counter during a slack time and ask for a glass of water, drink it, say thank you, and walk back out.
9. Go into a restaurant and ask to use the restroom; leave without eating anything.
10. Phone the company of a service that you use to complain about issues you've noticed. This can include local services like garbage collection and public transit, personal services such as telephone and internet service and online subscriptions, and other services like fast food restaurants and clothing stores.
11. Go to a full service station and ask the attendant to check the water in your radiator (or air in your tires); leave without buying gas.
12. Get on a bus (or wait for a bus) and ask other passengers for change.
13. Call and make an appointment to have your hair cut. Call back later and cancel the appointment.
14. Ask the pharmacist for information on an over the counter drug.
15. Ask for specific toppings on a sandwich from a fast food restaurant, or ask for substitutions when ordering a meal.
16. Ask a salesperson in a store to help you find something.
17. Ask the manager in the supermarket to order something that you would like to buy but the store no longer carries.
18. Ask a clerk in the grocery store whether they have any fresher lettuce (or other fruit or vegetable) in the back, or if they can check for an item that is missing from the shelf.
19. Go to a deli counter and ask for 2 ounces of meat or cheese. Leave without buying anything else.
20. Go into a department store or gift store and ask the salesperson for help in choosing an item, gift, or outfit.
21. Call and ask for information about jobs listed in the classified ads.
22. Ask coworkers or classmates to do a favor for you (eg. make you a cup of coffee, or give their opinion on your work).
23. Ask someone for a ride.
24. Disagree with someone's opinion.
25. Express disagreement with a parent, spouse, or close friend regarding specific topics (scheduling priorities, sexual practices, time spent together, etc).
26. Express disagreement over social arrangements as planned by a parent, spouse, partner, or close friend.
27. Request parent, spouse, parent, or children to accept more responsibility in some specific area.
28. Ask a friend for help in fixing something.
29. Ask a person making too much noise to be a bit quieter.
30. Ask your therapist or counselor for a favor.
31. Ask for help in moving furniture.
32. Ask your landlord to fix something in your residence.
33. Go see a dentist or doctor and tell them clearly what the problem is.
34. Order a nonalcoholic beverage in a bar or cocktail lounge.
35. Ask to be excused from class or ask to leave early.
36. Ask a person to stop doing something that is bothering you.
37. Ask skills training leader who is going overtime to end the session because time is up.
38. Ask a teacher for time to speak to them and make a complaint or give a compliment about the class.
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