Caution!
Usually people begin to pursue a particular goal but experience very little success at first. They say, "I tried that, but it didn't work". Maintaining peak mental efficiency is a difficult skill to master. Like playing the piano or wind surfing, it takes practice. Think about how it odd is would sound if someone said "I tried playing the piano once but it didn't work". The skills you are learning are much more important than wind surfing or playing the piano, and perhaps more challenging, but many people are perfectly willing to give them up after the first unsuccessful try.
In a way, your hopes for change can be your worst enemy. You might be imagining your goal for your work, your relationship, or your social life. This is fine, because it is important to have something to work toward. But when you take a single step toward your goal you might then compare your progress with your ideal and reflect on what small way you have come. If you focus on this enough you can make it seem futile to even try to reach your goal, and you may give up.
The key is to have a goal in mind, but to allow yourself to not reach it, at least for now. Of you are trying to run the four minute mile, give up on this goal for the present and work instead on the seven minute mile. Once you reach that, try for the six minute mile, and then five minute mile. Have an ultimate goal in mind, but actually work toward smaller goals.
Consider an example: Joan has been depressed for a long time and has fallen into the habit of doing nothing all day. Most days she does not even get dressed. Her goal is to resume her usual active and busy life. She wakes up one morning and resolves to live her life from then on as though nothing had happened. Within ten minutes she is feeling overwhelmed, gives up, and returns to bed.
A week later she considers an alternative approach. She keeps the ideal of returning to her usual life but she sets the short term goal of getting dressed and going to the market on a given day. She succeeds, but finds that when she gets home she compares her progress with her eventual goal and becomes discouraged. After thinking this way she feels less inclined to try anything more in the future.
Eventually she gives herself permission not to have a completely ideal life, at least for the time being, and instead focuses on her smaller step by step goals. When she attains one she congratulates herself and dwells on the fact that she set a goal and achieved it, rather than focusing on the things she has not yet accomplished.
Set a reasonable standard. If your goal requires that you do something every day, or in every situation, you will probably fail. Since we are trying to establish new habits and develop the confidence that comes with success. it is better to set attainable goals. If your goal is a daily walk (more days than not), and you walk for four days in a row but can't manage it on the fifth, you don't have to feel like a failure. In fact, you now deserve congratulations for exceeding your goal. Build flexibility into your goals, and allow for good and bad days. If your goal centers on you doing some activity you don't like (like cleaning or jogging), set a time limit or some other appropriate measure by which you can know that you have succeeded.
Down the Road...
Setting goals for yourself may not require much work or energy, however attempting to accomplish these goals through smaller steps, and sticking to them is hard work and takes a lot of energy. At first, changing your old behaviors in an attempt to reach a new goal may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. These feelings may cause you to want to give up and retreat to old ways and habits. Such is human nature, as human beings like familiarity and are in fact attracted to it. At times you may find yourself going back to the old road without even realizing it. It is important at these times to increase your awareness and pay attention to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that may lead you back to your old ways. Once you become aware of these you will need to put in a stop sign on that old road as a reminder to yourself. An example might be, "Remember where this road leads". Having caught yourself, this will once again help you choose the new path, which will lead to your goals.
Take a few moments to answer the following questions. These questions will help you prepare for the times where you may be tempted to revert to old paths.
- Is there an aspect of your life that has repeatedly contributed to problems for you? What is is?
- What would be a sign for you that you might be going down the old road that contributed to problems for you and may interfere with your new goals?
- If you do see this sign, what is something that you could tell yourself as a reminder of where this road leads?
- At this point, what is something that you would like to do instead that works towards the original goal that you set for yourself?
Usually people begin to pursue a particular goal but experience very little success at first. They say, "I tried that, but it didn't work". Maintaining peak mental efficiency is a difficult skill to master. Like playing the piano or wind surfing, it takes practice. Think about how it odd is would sound if someone said "I tried playing the piano once but it didn't work". The skills you are learning are much more important than wind surfing or playing the piano, and perhaps more challenging, but many people are perfectly willing to give them up after the first unsuccessful try.
In a way, your hopes for change can be your worst enemy. You might be imagining your goal for your work, your relationship, or your social life. This is fine, because it is important to have something to work toward. But when you take a single step toward your goal you might then compare your progress with your ideal and reflect on what small way you have come. If you focus on this enough you can make it seem futile to even try to reach your goal, and you may give up.
The key is to have a goal in mind, but to allow yourself to not reach it, at least for now. Of you are trying to run the four minute mile, give up on this goal for the present and work instead on the seven minute mile. Once you reach that, try for the six minute mile, and then five minute mile. Have an ultimate goal in mind, but actually work toward smaller goals.
Consider an example: Joan has been depressed for a long time and has fallen into the habit of doing nothing all day. Most days she does not even get dressed. Her goal is to resume her usual active and busy life. She wakes up one morning and resolves to live her life from then on as though nothing had happened. Within ten minutes she is feeling overwhelmed, gives up, and returns to bed.
A week later she considers an alternative approach. She keeps the ideal of returning to her usual life but she sets the short term goal of getting dressed and going to the market on a given day. She succeeds, but finds that when she gets home she compares her progress with her eventual goal and becomes discouraged. After thinking this way she feels less inclined to try anything more in the future.
Eventually she gives herself permission not to have a completely ideal life, at least for the time being, and instead focuses on her smaller step by step goals. When she attains one she congratulates herself and dwells on the fact that she set a goal and achieved it, rather than focusing on the things she has not yet accomplished.
Set a reasonable standard. If your goal requires that you do something every day, or in every situation, you will probably fail. Since we are trying to establish new habits and develop the confidence that comes with success. it is better to set attainable goals. If your goal is a daily walk (more days than not), and you walk for four days in a row but can't manage it on the fifth, you don't have to feel like a failure. In fact, you now deserve congratulations for exceeding your goal. Build flexibility into your goals, and allow for good and bad days. If your goal centers on you doing some activity you don't like (like cleaning or jogging), set a time limit or some other appropriate measure by which you can know that you have succeeded.
Down the Road...
Setting goals for yourself may not require much work or energy, however attempting to accomplish these goals through smaller steps, and sticking to them is hard work and takes a lot of energy. At first, changing your old behaviors in an attempt to reach a new goal may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. These feelings may cause you to want to give up and retreat to old ways and habits. Such is human nature, as human beings like familiarity and are in fact attracted to it. At times you may find yourself going back to the old road without even realizing it. It is important at these times to increase your awareness and pay attention to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that may lead you back to your old ways. Once you become aware of these you will need to put in a stop sign on that old road as a reminder to yourself. An example might be, "Remember where this road leads". Having caught yourself, this will once again help you choose the new path, which will lead to your goals.
Take a few moments to answer the following questions. These questions will help you prepare for the times where you may be tempted to revert to old paths.
- Is there an aspect of your life that has repeatedly contributed to problems for you? What is is?
- What would be a sign for you that you might be going down the old road that contributed to problems for you and may interfere with your new goals?
- If you do see this sign, what is something that you could tell yourself as a reminder of where this road leads?
- At this point, what is something that you would like to do instead that works towards the original goal that you set for yourself?
Comments
Post a Comment