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Module 6.5: Harm Reduction - Willingness vs Willfulness

Willingness vs Willfulness

The notion of willingness versus willfulness is taken from Gerald May's (1982) book on the topic.

Willingness is accepting what is, together with responding to what is, in an effective or appropriate way. It is doing what works. It is doing just what is needed in the current situation or moment.

Willfulness is imposing one's will on reality - trying to fix everything, or refusing to do what is needed. It is the opposite of doing what works.

One metaphor is that life is like a game of cards. It makes no difference to a good card player what card they get. The object is to play whatever hand they get as well as possible. As soon as one hand is played, another hand is dealt. The last fame is over and the current game is on. The idea is to be mindful of the current hand, play it as skillfully as possible, and then let go and focus on the next hand of cards.

Willingness

Willingness is readiness to enter and participate fully in life and living.
Willingness is doing just what is needed, in each situation, wholeheartedly, without dragging your feet.
Willingness is listening very carefully to your Wise Mind, and then acting from your Wise Mind.
Willingness is acting with awareness that you are connected to the universe (to the stars, to people you like and don't like, to the floor, etc.)

Replace Willfulness with Willingness

Willfulness is refusing to tolerate the moment.
Willfulness is refusing to make changes that are needed.
Willfulness is giving up.
Willfulness is the opposite of doing what works.
Willfulness is trying to fix every situation.
Willfulness is insisting on being in control.
Willfulness is attachment to "me, me, me" and "what I want right now".

Willingness, Step by Step

1. Observe the willfulness. Label it. Experience it.
2. Radically accept that at this moment you feel, and may be acting, willful. You cannot fight willfulness with willfulness.
3. Turn your mind.toward acceptance and willingness.
4. Try half smiling and a willing posture.
5. When willfulness is immovable, ask "what's the threat?"

What are some situations where you notice your own willfulness?
What are some situations where you notice your own willingness?
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